a year ago today

An Afternoon in Holland Park. (The original).

missing home

It's really gray and cold here. I haven't had the desire to do anything but curl up on my couch, drink coffees, and watch Torchwood. The past couple of days that's exactly what I've been doing. I have also spent a lot of time going through my many photo albums from my time in England. I found these outfit photos that I never got around to posting. Everything except the boots, tights, and hat are from England. Even my hair cut and color was done at the Vidal Sasson on Bond Street,London.

I miss London so much it hurts.

It was the first place I felt confident in who I was as an individual adult. I grew up a lot in those four months. I learned to cook, I had a job I loved, I was interested in learning again. I spent lots of time walking around the city and through its parks. In London, I truly felt like me. Since returning to the United States I've had a lot of good days but lately the weather has been kicking my ass. Why is it so cold and gray in April? How is this fair?

If it's going to be cold, gray, and damp, I might as well be in London.

In London, there are trains every few minutes that speed you down tunnels and take you to exciting new places. There are little alleys to explore and you feel like a character from Shakespeare. The buildings are old and the bricks have history that is palpable. Even the new buildings are designed in ways that excite the imagination. There are large parks in the middle of the city; it's possible to be so far deep into a park that you forget there is a city around you.

I want to be there to forget.

Looking Back: Three Months

I know, once again I'm behind! If you’re interested, here are Looking Back: One Month and Two Month.

I have 29 days left until I fly home. I have 23 days left until I leave London. I have 17 days until my internship ends. There are 15 days until my parents arrive. I have 14 days until I finish my final fall semester. I keep counting all the days I have left. I am always counting down. It used to be I had months left, three more months, two more months. Now I only have weeks, although I find I tend to count in days. It doesn’t matter how I count it (four weeks or 29 days) the conclusion I come to is the same: there is not enough time.

I spent this weekend pouring over my guide book making my London ‘Bucket List’. I searched the interwebs for fun, quirky London adventures. I bought bus tickets to Brighton, to Leeds. I keep searching for that one thing to end this trip on. I feel like somewhere, just around the corner, if I just look hard enough I’ll find it–the London experience that will make me satisfied with going home. But it isn’t real. There is no one experience, place I can visit, tourist trap I can fall in, that will make me ok with leaving London. I am not ok with leaving London. I am not ready to leave.

Here in London I grew up.

In London I cooked my first meal. I discovered how to travel. I learned about taking care of myself, and my friends, and making sure everything worked out. In London, I flew solo for the first time in my life. It has been amazing. It has been wonderful. I am sad to leave. But luckily, oh luckily, I have four whole weeks, 29 long days left. After all my classmates and friends have flown home I still have days left in London. Then I get to explore Paris with my parents. There are so many adventures to be had and I am glad I get to have them. I am glad I still have time.

And London, it’s not going anywhere. I can always come back; I will come back.

Favorite adventure: Brighton, England
Favorite place in London: Anywhere in the City of London, which is different than just London.
Favorite food: Wine. Hey, it counts!
Favorite moment: Sitting in a little square reading F Scott Fitzgerald Jazz Age Stories (I totally recommend them) and looking up to see the ground covered in gold crunchy leaves. I realized then how at home I truly felt in this city.
Favorite thing I’ve learned: I love city living! I really do! There is something so amazing about walking to get your groceries, never having to drive, and having public transport that everyone rides (not just creepy, drunk people).
Favorite purchase: My ticket to Brighton. I had the most romantic day there.
Favorite thing in the upcoming month: My parents are coming in just 15 days and I get to show them ALL AROUND MY CITY!
Favorite photo: taken November 21 on the beach in Brighton.

Looking Back: Month Two

I am ready to go home.

In the past month I have spent more time traveling than not. This has caused a bit of a disconnect between London and I. In the first month we were like young lovers--everything was new and exciting, even the uncomfortable events (pouring rain, tube strikes) seemed romantic and part of the city's charms. Now London feels uncomfortable, like a sweater that's a little too short in the arms. I have to keep adjusting and can never quite relax.

This disconnect is compounded by the fantastic visit and depressing departure of Boyfriend. Being reunited with my love for one week was amazing and reminded me of everything I have waiting for me 3,600 miles and two months away. Where as before London was only mine, I now find myself haunted by ghosts of Boyfriend. Whenever I got to my coffee shop, the Sandwich Shop, or lie in bed at night I can't help but think--we were here, we loved here. It took all my willpower not to drop my one remaining course and internship and fly back home with him.

But I stayed.

I stayed because I am not convinced that London and I are over. I think we have more to offer each other. I spend every October weekend elsewhere (Cardiff, Amsterdam, Norway, Carlisle); I am determined to spend November locally. There are more adventures to be had here. I can feel it.

Favorite adventure: Drøbak, Norway
Favorite place in London: This is difficult because, honestly, for most of October if I was in London I was either in class or in my dorm. Travel really takes it out of you. I guess I would say Java Bean. I spent many afternoons there drinking hot chocolate or lattes.
Favorite food: Salmon and cream cheese sandwiches from the Priory Kitchen in Carlisle.
Favorite moment: Standing with Boyfriend in front of Hadrian's Wall, taking goofy photos together, and realizing that this man I love had traveled an ocean to be with me and that with him I was happier than I have ever been. Run-on sentence much?
Favorite thing I've learned: I learned/found confidence in my ability to be dropped in a city and survive.
Favorite purchase: My panda hat!! (12.90 pounds)
Favorite thing in the upcoming month: Internship--medieval museum, a crypt, hell yeah!
Favorite photo: taken October 28 on the path heading to a section of Hadrian's Wall


P.S. I realize this post is 17 days late. I've been fighting off some gloom and doom and haven't been feeling particularly verbose. I believe that had I tried to write this post earlier I would not have been able to express exactly how I felt at the end of October. Please accept my tardiness, it's part of my charm.

Looking Back:: One Month

It has been one month since I arrived in London. Allow me to sum up my study abroad experience: I Love London. I really do. If I could, I would write a sonnet on how much I love London (unfortunately, we haven't studied the sonnets in my Shakespearean and Elizabethan Literature class so I don't have a clue how to write one). Instead, I will write a blog post on my love of London. A much more modern way to express one's love.

I love London. I love that the tube never makes you wait 20 minutes for a train and that even though people eat in it the underground remains clean. I love my morning walk to class. I love the 15 minute walk to the grocery store. I love that on average I walk three miles a day (usually more if I'm adventuring). I love that I live on the fourth floor, up a million stairs it feels like. I love my tiny little room with it's tiny little bathroom. Now that our shower has hot water I love it too, tinyness and all. I love walking two blocks to Hyde Park and spending the afternoon reading under the trees with families playing all around me. I love that traveling is so cheap (40 pounds return tickets to Oslo, Norway. That's $60). I love learning to cook for myself.

I love that every day is an adventure. Just walking down the street is exciting because it's all new to me. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because this feels like a dream. Even though I knew months and months ago that I would be studying abroad, I could never picture myself here. And here I am, living in London. How fantastic is that?

Not everything is perfect though, life still has its ups and downs. Just last night Ellie (my roommate) and I were lost and wandering the streets at night in the worst storm we've had so far. There are some things I haven't loved in my one month. I don't love that Boyfriend, my very best friend, is thousands of miles away from me. I don't love that I haven't seen my parents or my grandmother in a month and that I won't see them for three more months (that is unless they get a webcam and skype me. hint hint). I don't love that I miss my good friends and don't get to talk to them that often due to the time difference. I think the solution to these problems is that everyone I love come here and join my in this city I love.

I want to take time to reflect every month on my experiences here so I'm going to compile a list of favorites every month.

Favorite adventure: Trip to Stonehenge
Favorite place in London: Holland Park
Favorite food: the stir fry I made, which was the first meal I'd ever cooked
Favorite moment: Standing next to Stonehenge and feeling the full weight of its historical importance. Millions of people have traveled to see Stonehenge and there I was, a part of that. It was an amazing feeling.
Favorite thing I've learned: tie between how to cook to survive and that I'm good at map-reading and directions. haha, who knew?
Favorite purchase: my 1970s Gunne Sax dress that makes me feel like a cupcake (10 pounds).
Favorite thing in the upcoming month: Trip to Oslo, Norway!
Favorite photo: taken September 18 at Stonehenge.

Any 'favorite' ideas? I'm sure there are other things I could categorize.