All stories begin with once upon a time, or they should. So here:

Once upon a time there was a girl who was afraid to grow up. She was afraid that growing up meant settling (down and for) and giving up her days of dress up and make believe. It was like she thought that one day someone would come and say, "you're a grown up now; give us your tutus and your glitter and your imagination."

So she made a promise to herself. To keep living in dreamland and dancing in public and painting each nail a different color. To be Peter Pan not Wendy Bird. To never grow up.

And she hasn't yet.

what happened to this girl i used to know

the farm

We

Visited the farm where we get our veggies from (the ones we can't grow on our balcony). It was a magical, chilly morning. We befriended a giant dog, fell in love with a house, and I discovered I'm mildly afraid of chickens. Also, I want to own land and grow things.

Bags of veggies for all:

Happy Valentine's Day

The challenge issued by my friend Katie was to dream up 12 ways to wear this dress for 2012. That was way back in January. Instead, I give you eight ways to wear this dress for Valentine's Day. It makes sense if you don't think about it. I probably would have more but the sun set. Oops.

Party Dress: Belt it short and tuck the excess fabric into a weird thing that could be stylish. Throw on super high heels.

Fairy tale: Dress with crinoline worn as skirt with leopard heels. I love how bright this one is!

90s Rock: Wear it as a tunic with my favorite (and oldest) jeans. Add some leopard and Renn Fest horns for added tuffness.

Jump-er Joy!: I couldn't decided if I liked the bottom of the skirt peeking out more than the one without. This is especially fun because Katie was the one who fixed this jumper up for me when I thrifted it.

The Oracle: Yes this is super costume-y but I loved piling on gold jewelry and how ridiculous this dress looks when I let it just hang off me. Also, faux turbans are fun!

Business Appropriate: This blazer was in the closet when I moved in so I assume it was my grandmother. I love that it hides the blouse of the dress and instead I look like I just have a super neon pencil skirt--perfect for a Wednesday at the office ;).

Dance Party Baby: I scooped up this vest at the swap this summer and I love how it makes the sleeve look like baby bishop sleeves. The short skirt and fun sleeves make this a great party dress.

Grand Glamour: A silk jacket, gorgeous under-dress, and wicked high heels equals fun, fun glamour!

Happy Valentine's Day Katie (and friends!)!

one girl, two bows, three colors

Today's ensemble is super impressive for me because of two reasons: a) my hair is in a bow and since I normally wear my hair in three specific ways (pony tail, bun, low ponytail/bun) this shows a huge improvement in my hair-skill; b) my first voyage into colorblocking proper! Light pink cardigan (purchased in Oslo), salmon/orange blouse (hand-me-down from my roommate), and red jeans ($5 at wet seal like three years ago). It was a pretty gray day in my part of the East Coast and I felt like a little ray of sunshine as I ran my errands and went to work.

Before work I went to the library and picked up the book "French Women Don't Get Fat: The Secret of Eating For Pleasure" by Mireille Guliano. Now, I know (most days) that I'm not fat but I do have huge (understatement) guilt issues associated with eating... food...of any kind. The issues have gotten a lot better as I've grown more comfortable with being me and being my size and loving my body no matter what. However, I believe there is always room for more knowledge and for more understanding--and of more recipes, of which this book has tons. I'm only on chapter three but I'm already hooked and seeing Mireille's food perspective as a healthy alternative to the beating-myself-up-over-eating-a-chocolate-bar way of life I've led. Also, any woman who agrees that a glass of red should be served with lunch has the right idea in my book.

my birthday

I turned 22 on May 31st. Two weeks later I hosted my first high tea. It was fantastic. I had three types of tea (raspberry, english, and irish breakfast teas). I served B.L.Ts, avocado and cream cheese sandwiches, peanut butter and jelly mini-sandwiches, and Italian chicken subs--everything was mini! I also had scones (made by my friend/future sister-in-law Kirsten), and pasta salad! For dessert there was rainbow cake made by me and decorated by Kirsten--without whom there would have been no party. Seriously, she kept me calm, helped prep food, decorated my cake, and generally rocked my socks off!

Stay tuned for photos of my fantastic, wonderful, amazing, beautiful, stylish friends! Everyone came, everyone dressed well, everyone stayed, everyone brought liquor ;). I love my friends more so very much!

vanity is me

Summer is passing by so quickly, in a stream of days 100 degrees and higher. I sweat when I walk to work, I sweat while waiting for the bus, I sweat underground, and I sweat while I walk home. Although, I love walking home. If the sun is up I sip my water and take my time, turning the pages of my book. If the sun is down, I walk slowly and admire the houses and dream of living in my own. With a puppy curled at my feet, a cat on my lap, and a huge kitchen with homemade pizza and baked goods.

In the meantime (the time between renting and owning; living paycheck to paycheck and having savings), I work with clothes all the time. I am also playing with make-up! I haven't really worn make-up since high school but now I'm really getting into it. A little blush, some shadowing under the cheekbones, blue eyeliner! It's kind of fun. Also, newsprint nails! It took several hours to do them properly but I received tons of compliments.

We also eat dinner on the roof. Ada, Joel, Boyfriend and i. We sit up there and watch the sunset and eat food, drink wine, and laugh. It's good to have good company. It's good to live in a beautiful place. It's good with beautiful people.

The blue dress was my mom's. White lapels, white buttons, white flower. Perfection!

Looking for: the girl I used to be.

Now I'm grown-grown-gone. Working, paying bills, cooking meals, cleaning (haha). Steady, steady. I wear a pencil skirt, sensible shoes, and blouses seven days a week. My paycheck goes to verizon and harris teeter. I eat my vegetables. In bed before the clock strikes twelve and my carriage is parked before it returns to pumpkin-state.

I used to wear tutus. I danced until two and skipped class to sleep in. Coffee at noon and an afternoon of woods-walking, photo-taking, and Boyfriend-kissing. What happened to the fairy who sat on my shoulder and whispered wicked things that curled in my brain and drove me mad? No more sharp toys, no more chasing chaos, no more hangover-inducing all night parties where everyone curls up as the sun rises.

Where is the wild self-destructive glee in this grown up world?

this post brought to you by a possible-concussion, an overdose of coffee, and way too many fairy tales.

lets all be free

spirits.

peace on earth

Lately, I've been stressed. Grinding-teeth-in-sleep, migraine-inducing, snapping-at-Boyfriend stressed. Retail brings with it an annoying pressure, first thing every day you're instructed on how your numbers need improving. It's frustrating because the job isn't actually important and yet it's stressful. What do I want to do in my life? How do I go about getting there? Who am I now? My internship is wonderful, glorious, invigorating! I wish I had more time to dedicate to it. But retail takes up five days a week. I wish I hadn't rushed into this job so quickly. But money-stress, bill-stress, independence-stress cause me to jump, JUMP into the first job I found, without taking a chance to truly think about what I needed--financially and for myself (growth, mental health, etc.)

The last time I relaxed was in mid-May. Not to long ago on the calender but it feels like years ago. Trapped in a cycle of work, work, work--seven days a week--individual days drag on but time flies. I miss this little cabin in the woods. The hot tub, the whiskey with friends, the peace of being surrounded by green and growth and silence.

I'm throwing a tea party Saturday. Cake-stress, sandwich-stress, number-of-available-chairs-stress.