When life gets stressful I forget the little things. I forget to call my parents. I forget to do laundry. I forget to text friends back. I forget to tell Boyfriend I love him. I forget the important, little things that I should never forget. Right now I am stressed. I have a 15 page paper due tomorrow and I am so lost and confused about it. I am cranky because I am tired, dehydrated, and my uterus hurts. Dammit. I want to be selfish and mean and demand that Boyfriend bring me treats and kiss me all the time.

Except, Boyfriend is stressed too. He has to finish everything and find an internship and figure out a place to live this next year because he is graduating. His stress is so much bigger than my stress. If I was a better person I would be able to set my stress aside and help him carry his burdens. I'm trying, but I'm not that good. Instead I am--we are, hunkering down (cranky, snappish, and mean) and getting. shit. done.

Next Friday, we will be done.
Next Friday, there will be time to snuggle in bed and watch a movie.
Next Friday, there will be time to lie out in the sun on my tie-dye blanket.
Next Friday, there will be time to love each other.
Next Friday, there will be time.
I'm living for next Friday.

All photos are from last summer, when we had time.

a much needed respite

This weekend was amazing after such a stressful week. I paid my massive sleep debt by sleeping 12 hours a night. I spent Saturday afternoon thrifting by myself. Oh and man did I score big; the only thing better than thrift stores is when the thrift store is having a 50% off sale on everything in the store. That night I went to my parents for dinner (yummy) and then watched my friends drink hobo wine and played cards. Sunday was just as fun with a dinner date (I woke up at a time when it is justifiable to have a burger for "breakfast") and NCIS with Boyfriend. This week (tonight especially) will be just as stressful. Luckily Thanksgiving break starts Wednesday so there are only two days of classes.
Mantra: You can do this, you will do this, you have to do this.

richmondd

Drove down to Richmond Thursday night for a long weekend. It was a perfect weekend. Good food, thrifting, new toys, shooting, & lots of sleeping. For some reason I couldn't sleep past 9 any day so Boyfriend & I were up early. We ran a lot of errands & got to do more on our trip. I think there may be something to this getting up early.

It was a great weekend & this weekend we're going camping. Unfortunately between now & then there are several days of work & class. I don't get to see Boyfriend as much as I want. He works the graveyard shift so he works when I sleep & I work when he sleeps; which means I can't even talk to him online. It's hard to go from practically living with someone to only seeing them or talking to them a few short hours a day.

Classes end June 29th. I have no doubts that after that there will be a lot more time to actually enjoy summer.

Mantra: We will survive.

word(s).

(via FFFFOUND!)

Mantra of the day: It's almost over.

31 Hours & Counting

Since I last slept.
I curled up under my blankets around 5:30 this morning only to hear birds singing. Birds that sounded so happy, so awake, so everything I wanted to be!
Jeans on, elf shoes zipped, camera in hand; I raced outside (all right, strolled).

And I was awake! I was happy! I was at peace!
The campus was just waking up; one or two people drifted about unlocking doors and cleaning floors.
I was alone with no ipod to distract me from the cheerful bird songs, the calm of the carefully manicured golf course, the hopefully pink clouds climbing out of the horizon.

I still haven't slept. My feet have been soaked (elf shoes are not waterproof) and tortured (heeled boots for the 10 block walk to and from work). I have presentations and papers and finals for the next week and two days. I have no clean underwear and no matching socks.

But when I was alone in the cool morning on a moist golf course none of that was important; I was apart from those worries, above them. Some part of me is holding, clinging, desperately to that feeling. I am repeating it to myself; it is my mantra to get me through these final weeks:

I am apart. I am above. I am at peace.