peace on earth

Lately, I've been stressed. Grinding-teeth-in-sleep, migraine-inducing, snapping-at-Boyfriend stressed. Retail brings with it an annoying pressure, first thing every day you're instructed on how your numbers need improving. It's frustrating because the job isn't actually important and yet it's stressful. What do I want to do in my life? How do I go about getting there? Who am I now? My internship is wonderful, glorious, invigorating! I wish I had more time to dedicate to it. But retail takes up five days a week. I wish I hadn't rushed into this job so quickly. But money-stress, bill-stress, independence-stress cause me to jump, JUMP into the first job I found, without taking a chance to truly think about what I needed--financially and for myself (growth, mental health, etc.)

The last time I relaxed was in mid-May. Not to long ago on the calender but it feels like years ago. Trapped in a cycle of work, work, work--seven days a week--individual days drag on but time flies. I miss this little cabin in the woods. The hot tub, the whiskey with friends, the peace of being surrounded by green and growth and silence.

I'm throwing a tea party Saturday. Cake-stress, sandwich-stress, number-of-available-chairs-stress.